i barfeds in our rink
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
