I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
