Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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