I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
