my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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