I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
