My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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