My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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