He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
