Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
