Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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