Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
