The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
