what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
