I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
