Whod you bang
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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