Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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