I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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