You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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