Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
