Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
