how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
