I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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