have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
