then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
