I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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