I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
