worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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