Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
