I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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