rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
