before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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