Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
