Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
