Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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