He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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