Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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