i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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