none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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