im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
