opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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