I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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