ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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