I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
