What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
