actually, I'm a sock model
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
