He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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