i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
