So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Alive.
So much puke
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
