ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
