the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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