Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
