dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize