Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
