..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
