people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
