In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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