I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
