I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I FOUND THE LEGS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
