I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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