The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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