so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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