Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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