and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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