I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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