I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
last night I used snow as a chaser
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