Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
