$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
