Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
