I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
