there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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