I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I love black thongs
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
