Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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