I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
