The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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