before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
