he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
he just fucked me for my cheese.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize