Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
